Liz

Many thanks for you sensible reply. You at least have grasped what I was trying to say. Mandy and I are very happy together. I have accepted the fact that she has RA and I believe that I can cope with whatever life throws at us. Some contributors to this forum need to take a deep breath, stand back and try to understand more.

I do no get tearful everytime Mandy gets the slightest twitch in her little finger. I do not ball my eyes out in front of her when she is in servere discomfort. No! At these times I gentle embrace her, give her a gentle kiss and let her know that I am here for her.

Afterwards, when she is asleep upstairs and I am downstairs I will sometimes cry. I will cry because I feel useless to prevent the woman I love from suffering. I will cry because it is so very unfair that such a wonderful woman as Mandy is ill with this painfull disorder.

If I were able I would gladly take Mandy's RA from her and put it into me. Not because I am some sort of hero, no those people are in Afghanistan, but because I love this woman so much that it would be the loving thing to do. Much like donating a kidney to your son or daughter.

The way Mandy and I cope with RA might well be unique to us but it seems to work.

Thank you for your sensible, and sensitive reply. (and may I nick your sign off phrase?)

Thanks, too, Liz for your words of wisdom.

I have to say that I find some of John's remarks offensive but ce la vie! Maybe he also (in his own words) "needs to take a deep breath, stand back and try to understand more".

Because that is exactly what a very close friend of mine did. Unfortunately he died some months after donation. Derek (his son) is now leading an almost normal life.

OK ?

How Sad is This!

The only poster to this part of the site - Partners/friends/family & parents of those with RA, who comes under that heading feels unwelcome posting his opinions and feeling?

I have RA, and I don't pretend to understand how others who DON'T have it, may feel about it! I know how they react to me, I know what they say to me, I know how they support and care for me -- but when they are not with me? I'm thinking of my grown-up children as well. My daughter told me, a year ofter the event, that after I had explained I had RA, and how positive I was about my condition, she went home and cried in her partners arms - scared witless, both about me, and the fear that she might also get it. We all do the best we can with this rotten disease, in our own ways.

Perhaps, other's opinions would help to open minds, and ultimately, be more effective than offering prayers up to, what they believe is thier omnipitent being.

Supporting and caring about each other, is surely what this site is all about. I do hope that John feels able to continue his volunteer work for NRAS.

I'm sorry you feel the need to leave the forum, John. Of course we will not all agree with each other - we are all very different and deal with things in very different ways.

Mandy - please do not think some of us have closed minds just because we do not agree with your point of view - many of us and our partners have suffered (in our own way) for many years trying to come to terms with the awful disease. At the end of the day, we all cope in our own paticular way.

I'm also sad you are so disparaging of my faith and the faith of so many on this forum. I wouldn't dream of being so insensitive towards you or any faith you may have. Again, belief is a matter of personal choice.

I am not a Christian. Whilst I find the beliefs of organised religions dogmatic and frankly silly I respect the right of people to believe in whatever they want. If Christianity is your crutch then that is your choice. People have the right to believe in whatever they want to. But remember that non-believers have the same rights.

Apparently not........as you posted again in 31 and 33!!

Hi John
why are you so upset?
there was nothing personal written to you
I came off here for quite a few months even though I really needed help and support
I had a personal attack on me (my name was written in caps) which I still do not think I deserved still waiting for an apology but hell has not frozen over yet but I have come back and have got on with life and have ignored this person
as for what you believe in that is up to you
I will be honest with you John
this is my personal view the way you write some-times sounds so smug (you probably do not realise you are like it and do not mean it )
as for coming off here we are all here to help each other and our partners children etc we can have a few rows then get on with it
hope you know what I am trying to say
Mary L

Hello Chrissie
Just catching up and seen your question re what do you we tell family.
I can see from what you said must be very hard especially when your folks so elderley and hard to hear what u say.
Maybe to just tell your son,those u see most often may be good idea.
ive found this hard but in different way,as my parents were my carers when first ill with RA,and so now so unwell again i find it hard not to disclose to much info to them. They are so elderley now,get things all mixed up and for my mum she becomes very anxious.
so i know if tell her alot she then says hasnt slept well worried.same time have to say something or she know im not well,Mums INSTINCT.
I used to tell things about RA to my Aunty but she has passed away recently and so have lost that postive link,great thing was she never worried always saw things postively.
so my hubby is who i chat to,he doesnt wish come on here as feels my place to express how things are and knows ive now got best friends who have RA themselves,my own age and all ages.
hes unable come to appointment so like yourself i go alone.not out chocie his employer wont allow time off for me as he ahs so many medical appointments himself.


so i think what you tell should depend on who it is,and how u feel they cope with info u give.

hope u well chrissie.Thanks for asking.

lv inky07